New Beginnings

Last spring I wrote an article entitled, “Why the Church Should Care About Porn” in which I described porn addiction and why the church is the best place to care for those who are ensnared by it. Porn addiction is a difficult topic to discuss within the walls of a church because it involves our identity as sexual beings and carries a certain stigma that other addictions such as alcoholism, gambling and eating disorders do not. While our culture is saturated by pornographic imagery and open discussion of all topics sexual, it appears that the church sometimes struggles with how to engage in the topic in a healthy manner.

One of the key elements in the cycle of porn addiction is shame, which keeps addicts in the dark or behind a facade of normalcy. Proverbs 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” The shame of living a secret life along with fear of exposure and judgement keeps many from confessing and finding the mercy and the help they need. If a church projects an image (even unconsciously) of “no sin allowed in here,” this places an obstacle between them and the porn addict who wants to stop but doesn’t know how.

Quoting the prophet Isaiah, Jesus said his purpose in coming was “to preach good news to the poor... to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.” (Luke 4:18) The good news Jesus was talking about is that God’s kingdom has come to set everything right and restore lost relationships; relationships between people as well as between people and God. We are Christ’s agents of change and restoration.

Jesus never turned anyone away who truly wanted to change. He didn’t require them to “clean up their act” before extending forgiveness. He offered mercy to the woman caught in adultery and who was moments from being stoned to death. He forgave the “sinful woman” in Luke 7 who fell before him and washed his feet with tears of remorse. Jesus chose to associate himself with Zacchaeus, even before the tax collector pledged to make restitution for his crimes. As the people Christ left here to finish the work he started 2000 years ago, we are the extenders of mercy and help to those who need it.

To avoid accusations of naiveté, let me be clear about a few things. The damage done by people addicted to porn is real. Hurtful things are said, awful deeds are done, wounds are inflicted. These things need to be acknowledged and confessed so that forgiveness can be extended to heal the broken relationships that may result. Dealing with people’s wounds is messy and uncomfortable. Withholding mercy and forgiveness perpetuates an atmosphere of shame and cuts off the path to freedom.

However, confession and forgiveness can be difficult things to handle. Those who are trapped by porn often fear the losses they might incur more than they loathe their addiction. The porn addict fears a long fall and a hard landing. Confession might dissolve a marriage, tear apart a family, and even destroy a reputation. A man who tells his spouse of 15 years that he’s been using pornography since before he met her cannot be guaranteed an understanding wife.

People outside the church might be surprised to find out that a “church-goer” could be addicted to, or even look at porn; or that a church is open to talking about the issue. But if those inside the church are serious about changing lives we need to be willing to get involved and at least offer a forum for discussion.

Many of us look forward to the New Year because it represents a time of fresh beginnings, a time of renewed hope, a chance to start over. For those trapped by porn, I encourage you to change course and get help (there are some resource links at the end of this article). For those who are in a position to help, if the opportunity arises to help someone trapped in the world of porn, begin by extending mercy and forgiveness— it could change their life, and yours.

If this article reaches into a hidden place in your life, I invite you to join the conversation. You can contact me at puredesire@communitycovenant.org.

Are you addicted to porn? Take this short survey and find out.

Pastor Craig Gross started XXX Church to help those affected by porn.

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