This week we start a new series about Desperate Marriages in the Old Testament. We will look at what was taking place in hearts and minds - things that go beyond culture and time.
We begin with Jacob, the son of Isaac and grandson of Abraham. While traveling, Jacob stopped at a well, where he saw Rachel, his Uncle Laban’s daughter. She was gorgeous, and he immediately wanted her for his wife. I believe he was thinking: “She could fill this emptiness inside me.”
Why do I say that? Jacob had lost his father’s love because he had deceived him. He was forced to leave home because of the deception, and therefore was also disconnected from his mother, on whom he was dependant. Jacob had also deceived his brother, who now wanted to kill him. And, he had never discovered God’s unconditional love and he did not respect God. That’s some baggage! It’s easy to imagine that when Jacob saw Rachel, he thought he found “the one” who could fill the emptiness. He believed, like many of us, that marriage is the ultimate answer.
Now Laban had two daughters, the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form and beautiful.
Genesis 29:16, 17
When you think that marriage is the ultimate answer:
1. You begin to compromise more than you should.
Jacob offered to work 7 years for Laban in return for his daughter, Rachel. His offer was crazy - almost 4 times the going rate! What was Jacob really saying? “I’ll do anything for her! I’ll give more than I should.”
And today….
A young girl wants to wait to have sex; but thinks: If I give him my body, he’ll
give me his heart
A woman dates a jerk, but thinks: I don’t want to be alone. He’ll change.
A man buys stuff he can’t afford, thinking: Now she’ll love me.
When everything is on the compromise table, the relationship will fail.
2. You become demanding.
After Jacob worked the 7 years, he essentially said to Laban “Give her to me. I’ve done my part, now she’ll do hers.” Not very romantic – or charming.
“If I do this, then I get that.” A relational invoice.
It’s a contract of obligation, not a covenant of love.
3. You end up dissatisfied.
Laban had a problem with the wedding. In that culture, the oldest daughter (Leah) should be married first. So he tricked Jacob. On the wedding night, Laban sent Leah into Jacob’s tent instead of Rachel. Jacob slept with Leah, becoming her husband.
But when evening came, Laban took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob
and Jacob lay with her. When morning came, there was Leah.
Genesis 29:23 & 25
Anytime you think that your spouse will meet all your needs,
dissatisfaction will result. You think you’re going to bed with Rachel,
and when morning comes - there’s Leah…. just a regular person.
Also – Leah willingly deceived Jacob and married a guy she hoped would learn to love her.
Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son.
“Surely my husband will love me now.”
Genesis 29:32
Sad words – “surely he’ll love me now.”
What’s missing here? No one is seeking God about what to do! The need for God is supplanted by the idea of marriage. Both Jacob and Leah were searching for “the one”. The problem: they were searching for the wrong one. “The One” they should have searched for - was God.
This story has hope. When Leah had her fourth son, something radical happened. She discovered that God was the One she was looking for.
She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son, she said
“This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah.
Genesis 29:35
This time, instead of hoping that Jacob would love her, she praised God. And it was through Leah’s son Judah that the lineage of Jesus came. Things that don’t start right can be redeemed by God.
Marriage was never intended to fill all the emptiness or meet all your needs.
Don’t chase a fantasy or compromise your values.
Go after the One who loves you most,
and Who is the ultimate answer to a fulfilled life.
Application Thoughts:
(For singles) Am I compromising more than I should for the expectation of marriage? Do I see it as the ultimate answer?
(For married) Are you seeking the ONE (God) together or are you expecting your spouse to meet all your needs?
(Everyone) Spend time this week yielding to God and inviting Him to take the first place in your life.
